Keeping Balance

So yeah here I am sitting in my SpongeBob pyjamas, eating a bagel at 2 in the afternoon. You would do well to listen to me.

I was thinking about what to have my first post about, what would capture the essence of the blog some might say. Well since I started college, keeping balance in my life has probably been the root cause of the best and worst times. I didn’t realise how much effort goes into staying on top of it, not for a long while anyways. That is why I think it’s so important to invest in keeping that balance (can’t think of another phrase for it so fuck off).

Right off the bat, I threw myself into everything when I started college. And when I say everything, I actually mean just rugby. I had never played before, and decided to join on some ridiculous whim that I was strong enough (let’s not get into that fiasco).  I grew lazy with lectures (although I do Commerce so who can blame me) and I was never one for going mad drinking every Tuesday & Thursday night. Instead I spent those nights getting the absolute shit kicked out of me by my new best friends. It was tough but fantastic, and remains to this day one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my college life *wise old 3^rd year here.

But let’s face it, I was terrible. I tried my best but the physicality took a long time to become comfortable with. In saying that the whole team was supportive and just a bunch of all-round lovely people. I didn’t notice the days slipping away until it was almost December and I thought to myself; when was last time I went out with people outside rugby? When was the last time I didn’t skip lectures or events for something rugby related? But as soon as second semester came along, it was the same story. Off I went on holidays with some old school friends for the summer having savage craic, and I said I wouldn’t let myself get sucked into the rugby-sphere again.

But boy, did I. Natural improvement in skills and fitness came along with it and soon I found myself playing a lot more and taking the new girls under my wing too (I’m a winger lel). But with all the more action, came more stress and anxiety. The cycle had begun again, with our 7:30am Monday gym sessions making me cry almost every Sunday night. I would voluntarily skip lectures to practice passing or go to training early. I actually began to dread training some nights, because I would come home and spend hours analysing every mistake I made. I became the Entertainment Rep with my best mate. I did love it to be fair, but it added so much pressure. Nights that I did not want to even touch drink, or even talk to people about anything rugby related I found myself hosting parties and leading expeditions to Chambers.

If I made the starting team for a game I would spend the bus journey sitting on my own, listening to music. But what I was really doing, was just trying not to vomit at the thought of the warm up or going over the plays in my head so I knew them inside and out. I kept saying that I would take a break, even for a week, or try something new. But I was so stuck in the world that it was all that was important to me. It became worse after Christmas, and I would cry almost every week (on the shoulder of a very patient pupper :*) about how I felt overworked and underappreciated. I decided enough was enough and I had a word with my captain, a good friend. That took the weight off a bit and I felt better. It frustrated me because some days I absolutely loved it, and was (and still am) so thankful for all the fantastic friends I’ve made. It just was so shit BECAUSE it was something I loved that was making me feel so crap. I felt I needed to quit, but I knew I would miss it too much.

Soon enough the season finished and I swore to myself that I would back off from it in my third year. It took some actual work and time but so far, I’m doing really well. I attend lectures (mostly) and I rediscovered my love for being over dramatic with Dramat. I may not attend training religiously anymore but I go as much as I can. And now, when I play rugby I don’t feel stressed or sick. I don’t wish I would get injured so I wouldn’t have to do contact, or that the girl opposite me was 5 stone lighter. I just enjoy it now and that is the best feeling. I won’t lie, it’s tough trying to fit in everything in my day and often I’m wrecked by like 10. And I wonder is it worth spreading myself like that or should I put all my focus onto one thing. But putting in that effort is so so so important. Whether is showing up to pre-drinks in your gear for an hour, or standing on stage making a fool out of yourself. It took quite some time for me to put myself first (something I plan to write about later on). But I’m pretty happy with how things are going now, I love rugby but I love other things too.

I know now I don’t limit myself to one passion, or one activity. Do as much as you can, taking time for yourself in the meanwhile! I think a lot of people, particularly with sport can get very caught up in it without seeing the big picture. If you are happy to put all your time and effort into something and you feel it is worthwhile, go for it. All I ask is that if at some point you sit down and think, “If I continue with this it will make me unwell, or it’s already making me unhappy” then maybe consider your options. Quitting all together isn’t the only choice, there are lots of things that could help. Put yourself first and you really can’t go wrong!

Anyways that’s most of what I wanted to say, summed up in that last point. To be honest I don’t care if the majority of people hate this or think it’s irrelevant to what other people go through or have gone through. This is my blog and my experience… so haters back off. Hopefully it was somewhat interesting! Thanks for stopping by, Peace xo.