Making a Fuss
How ya getting on? Been a while since I last posted but I wanted to take my time and put some actual thought into it. Plus I've been super busy so get off my back geez.
So with my last post all about keeping balance and working hard to do so, I thought the next step would be "making a fuss" as I like to call it. Because keeping balance (or attempting to) is all well and good, but if you're unable to or not prepared to tell people when you're unhappy then it's no use.
For some reason (my old history teacher would probably blame the Famine), Irish people are forever obsessed with making a fuss (or not, to be more accurate). Don't worry people. Everyone has enough on their plate to be worrying about you. Is it worth troubling others? Why the hell do we chalk down our feelings to being over dramatic, over sensitive or being minus craic. Why? *existential crisis
Well like many fellow leprechauns I've struggled a lot with these thoughts, with even just the idea of telling people when I don't like something or when I'm unhappy. I'm a chronic people pleaser, to the extent of doing at least 3 things everyday I don't want to but doing them so no one else has to. Now to a certain degree that is good, and helping people is always nice. But if it's at the expense of your happiness or health then just explain why you won't/can't. 99% of people are decent enough to understand that if you say it, it's obviously very important to you. And if they don't, you don't need that kind of negativity in yo life honey.
I only go on like this because I've put myself in some shitty situations or let myself stay in them too long because of this mentality. In my last post I said how it took me months and months to be able to tell my captain that I wasn't happy playing rugby, and she is one of my good friends. When I look back on it, I think why the hell did I let it go on for that long? She even said the same to me (in a nice way).
One of my biggest regrets is not opening up to friends sooner after my Mam died. She passed away when I was 12, and like any child I didn't have a flippin clue what to think. So I shut all my emotions away and never gave them a thought. That worked for about two years, but then it caught up with me so to speak. I won't go into the spiel (save it for another day), but basically I never wanted to talk about it to anyone. I just thought, why would I put them in such an awkward situation? They wouldn't have a clue how to react and I would make them uncomfortable. And that was my reasoning which now looking at it, is beyond ridiculous. I had particularly stressful day in 6th year and I broke down, sobbing most of the day. But my friends were right there beside me, and I didn't say anything but they knew it wasn't just Maths I was crying about. I began my rigmarole of "Oh I don't want to make you uncomfortable.." and thank God they shut me up. They were there, and even though nobody made a big speech or grand gesture, it was the best feeling to have them with me and I'll be forever grateful to my humdingas. And plus we missed lots of class that day and the canteen ladies gave me some tea and cakes so happy days.
Thank God I've gotten a lot better now at telling people when I'm not okay with something (although telling the hairdresser will never happen realistically). But like everything, it needs a bit of work to stay on top of it. Sometimes I find myself falling back into the same patterns, but if you just catch yourself out, stop and start fresh you're flying it.
I know there might be some people reading this thinking, this is nuts. Or "I would never think like that". And I commend you, that is really great. But I know there are people pleasers out there like me, who hate causing other people stress or who are afraid of rocking the boat. But just make sure to think of yourself, and if you would prefer to watch Harry Potter on your couch than go out drinking then tell your friends that's what's happening. If you want to go for midnight KC runs with your mates instead of getting an early night then go for it. Every once in a while you've got to suit yourself, there's no two ways about it. Don't be afraid of the word no! Be afraid of the words "compulsory exam requirements" instead!
So yeah that's mostly what I wanted to say, again summed up in the last point. Hope it turned an interesting read, if you don't like reading about mise agus mo shaol, then you know where to go! Thanks for stopping by. Peace xo
So with my last post all about keeping balance and working hard to do so, I thought the next step would be "making a fuss" as I like to call it. Because keeping balance (or attempting to) is all well and good, but if you're unable to or not prepared to tell people when you're unhappy then it's no use.
For some reason (my old history teacher would probably blame the Famine), Irish people are forever obsessed with making a fuss (or not, to be more accurate). Don't worry people. Everyone has enough on their plate to be worrying about you. Is it worth troubling others? Why the hell do we chalk down our feelings to being over dramatic, over sensitive or being minus craic. Why? *existential crisis
Well like many fellow leprechauns I've struggled a lot with these thoughts, with even just the idea of telling people when I don't like something or when I'm unhappy. I'm a chronic people pleaser, to the extent of doing at least 3 things everyday I don't want to but doing them so no one else has to. Now to a certain degree that is good, and helping people is always nice. But if it's at the expense of your happiness or health then just explain why you won't/can't. 99% of people are decent enough to understand that if you say it, it's obviously very important to you. And if they don't, you don't need that kind of negativity in yo life honey.
I only go on like this because I've put myself in some shitty situations or let myself stay in them too long because of this mentality. In my last post I said how it took me months and months to be able to tell my captain that I wasn't happy playing rugby, and she is one of my good friends. When I look back on it, I think why the hell did I let it go on for that long? She even said the same to me (in a nice way).
One of my biggest regrets is not opening up to friends sooner after my Mam died. She passed away when I was 12, and like any child I didn't have a flippin clue what to think. So I shut all my emotions away and never gave them a thought. That worked for about two years, but then it caught up with me so to speak. I won't go into the spiel (save it for another day), but basically I never wanted to talk about it to anyone. I just thought, why would I put them in such an awkward situation? They wouldn't have a clue how to react and I would make them uncomfortable. And that was my reasoning which now looking at it, is beyond ridiculous. I had particularly stressful day in 6th year and I broke down, sobbing most of the day. But my friends were right there beside me, and I didn't say anything but they knew it wasn't just Maths I was crying about. I began my rigmarole of "Oh I don't want to make you uncomfortable.." and thank God they shut me up. They were there, and even though nobody made a big speech or grand gesture, it was the best feeling to have them with me and I'll be forever grateful to my humdingas. And plus we missed lots of class that day and the canteen ladies gave me some tea and cakes so happy days.
Thank God I've gotten a lot better now at telling people when I'm not okay with something (although telling the hairdresser will never happen realistically). But like everything, it needs a bit of work to stay on top of it. Sometimes I find myself falling back into the same patterns, but if you just catch yourself out, stop and start fresh you're flying it.
I know there might be some people reading this thinking, this is nuts. Or "I would never think like that". And I commend you, that is really great. But I know there are people pleasers out there like me, who hate causing other people stress or who are afraid of rocking the boat. But just make sure to think of yourself, and if you would prefer to watch Harry Potter on your couch than go out drinking then tell your friends that's what's happening. If you want to go for midnight KC runs with your mates instead of getting an early night then go for it. Every once in a while you've got to suit yourself, there's no two ways about it. Don't be afraid of the word no! Be afraid of the words "compulsory exam requirements" instead!
So yeah that's mostly what I wanted to say, again summed up in the last point. Hope it turned an interesting read, if you don't like reading about mise agus mo shaol, then you know where to go! Thanks for stopping by. Peace xo
Comments
Post a Comment